Scars

Scars — Vulnerability

07:35:00

Pain — it makes us vulnerable, so we wear a mask to shield us from it, and hide behind. 
How many times have you felt this way? You don't want anyone to see the scars that you have been hiding. 
It is so easy to do. I have done it, and i am sure you have done it as well. Children do it, teens do it, young adults and older adults.
It is so easy to shut yourself away from the world when you have gone through pain. To close that door, and not let the world in.
For anyone who has gone through a trauma or loss, sexual abuse, rape, domestic abuse, child abuse, this is what you feel. Even anyone who has gone through a relationship break up, this is the way you feel.
Never let anyone shame you for feeling this way. A natural response to being hurt is to retreat. Its our brains coping mechanism.
Psychologist explain it this way, fight, flight, and freeze the same response to stress and trauma.
Its like an O ring for emotions. The most common response is to Flee — retreat. You shut off from the world.

Children and adults resort to self-harm — cutting when underlying emotions are overwhelming.

I have been the victim of child sexual abuse when i was eight years old by my step brother 10 years older than me and child abuse — physical, psychological and verbal by my mother.
I went on to marry a man who abused me for many years inside a marriage — Physical, sexually, Psychological and financially.
I also lost a child to domestic violence.

I have pretty well been where most victims of abuse have been. Shamed, broken, scared, Physically and emotionally, financially drained, lost hope, angry, pissed.
We need to remember this is how a child feels, alone, scared, broken, hurt, angry, vulnerable, lost hope. A child will retreat within themselves wear a mask, its their coping mechanism as well. They will shut out the world. 
I learned how to wear that mask pretty well, when i was younger and then when i was an adult.
I had been hurt so many times, i had so many scars from that abuse, i wore that mask to protect myself. I didn't want to trust anyone ever again.
It took me many years to begin to take that mask off again, it was a very slow and gradual process. 
It wasn't easy, because you are dealing with so many emotions, they are your scars.
There was so much emotional pain and scars i had buried so deep, that slowly begun to resurface, so i also had to deal with all that pain all over again.

The sexual abuse was covered up by my mother, the domestic abuse covered up by my mother, and family. Silence does hide violence and abuse. It also allows it to continue. 
Of course there is a lot more to this story; my journey, my story is some-one else's story of pain and wearing that mask, hiding the scars.
I did not come from a poor family, just middles class. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's family.

You can read more about my abuse Through this article  DON'T BE SEDUCED BY THE DARK SIDE Article Link

THIS IS THE MYTH : If someone acts “fine,” they can’t be the victim of abuse.  And their definition of fine is what exactly. The child or adult is not a mess on the floor crying their eyes out.
Wrong. Victims hide the abuse, including children. You hide it out of shame and fear.
Even when i was an adult being abused by my then husband, i would hide it. I hid the bruises out of shame, out of fear.
He fractured my cheekbone once, i had a black eye, of course bruising on my face. I wore sunglasses when i went out, i tried to hide what i could behind makeup.
Not one person asked me what happened, they would look and quickly turn away. They never asked me if i needed help except for my doctor who i had to see because of my injuries.
My injuries were on record with my doctor and with the police when i made reports.
I was abandoned by the justice system, trapped because when i tried to get help they did nothing.
My then husband always used the children against me. He controlled all of our money, so i was also financially abused.
I basically hid inside my home until the bruises and swelling went away, only going out side when it was really necessary.
I learned to hide the abuse very well, because i was shamed, i was scared. I was scared all the time, because my husband would use the children against me.
He abused our children as well. We had two daughters together.

The abuse was not only physical it was Psychological, really brutal abuse, and it was financial.
I felt so much shame, yet i had done nothing wrong, my children had done nothing wrong.
But this is the way victims, children and adults feel when they are abused; you feel shame. I will touch further on my abuse and my children's abuse in further articles.

Counseling, the right counseling as well, is so important for any victim of a violent crime, or abuse. And sadly so many children and adults never receive this.

That mask never comes off, the scars always hidden, the pain built up inside. And it does effect every aspect of your life if you don't get professional help. Children and adults take their lives because of the pain.
Those scars gave me my voice back, they helped me be a warrior now the storm.
Now i never let anyone shame me for being a victim of abuse, and trust me plenty did, especially my own mother and family, society did as well.

Repressed Memories and Trauma.  
Repressed memories is the brains way of processing severe trauma.
Something horrible happens and the mind pushes it to a corner of the subconscious.
Child hood trauma effects the way the brain stores memories.
Victims of abuse quite often, but not always cope by dissociating themselves from the abuse that took place.
The memories can be forgotten and recalled much later in life, or even days or weeks later.
Those memories can come back as fragments, or in one entire piece of the event or many events that took place of the abuse.
The fear of not knowing can cause bouts of anger or severe depression anxiety. 
You can read more about trigger and suppressed memories from this article Link HERE

Sexual abuse, abuse, sibling abuse, domestic abuse awareness is every single day. Much more education is needed within family units, within our society, and Governments.
Silence and a Diffusion of responsibility hides that violence and abuse. This is something i am always talking about in my articles and in my speaking.
The right educators are needed, sadly that is not happening. At the moment we have too many people standing in the media miss-informing about abuse, their words are actual inciting violence and abuse, degradation of the sexes, degradation of victims and survivors of abuse.
They are UN-educated about all aspects of abuse. Their words and actions are doing far more damage than good. I saw a tweet today from some young women in the USA who wrote a book, no medical training, telling people how to get over Anxiety. Again we see this dangerous practice of people looking to make a quick buck of real medical issues, who have no training. Unbelievable.
ARTICLE LINK HERE
And you should absolutely not be making money off abuse.

If you want to read a little more about my life you can do so in this article. It also talks about how your vulnerability can make you a target for this sort of man or women; narcissists, sociopath, and psychopaths. This is a very popular article, it shows you the ten red flags to look for with psychopathy behaviors or these types of personality disorders.   DON'T BE SEDUCED BY THE DARK SIDE Article

Then comes Anxiety
In the poster are some of the symptoms of Anxiety and trauma from stress, abuse, or violence. 
The memories, the psychological abuse lasts a life time. Anxiety, PTSD, anorexia, cutting, OCD, high bloody pressure, binge eating, heart attache, health problems, even cardiomyopathy which is a heart condition. These are serious, life threatening medical conditions.
They effect children and adults.
Please if your child, or yourself, or anyone you know presents with any of the symptoms of Anxiety, don't ignore them, please seek medical attention from your GP.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder — PTSD — Anxiety Article




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2 comments

  1. You are an incredible woman. To endure what you've written is heart breaking. Not all men abuse, please trust me on that one. Its a disgrace (and every other adjective) that this happens.

    I really hope that you and your daughters have found happiness and are doing well in life.

    There's always someone who cares. Sadly, you have to find them in the haystack of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for you beautiful words. It is a very strong message i send out, not all men abuse. And abuse does not discriminate.
      I found a new person in my life years later. Wasn't looking, love found me.
      It has effected my daughters, and i remind them, that there is kindness in people.
      Every day is another day of healing, and loving a new found freedom from abuse and control.
      It has also made them more aware of the signs of abuse.
      They also give me lessons as well.
      The love for my children kept my faith as well.

      I love those words "haystack of life" very true.

      Love Alexandria

      Delete

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